I Will Never Knock
by Anarchy.For.Her.Chaos
Summary: “You are in my head, when my heart's at war, and if I'm ever scared, I'll breathe the air In front of your door. I will never knock, but that's as far as I'll go. It's only in my dreams when I say what I mean, bur I'll get damn near close” ExB. A little OOC. HEA. No cheating! M for flashback loooove. A story of one stupid vampire who’s trying to find his way back to his girl. ;)
1. With a Raised Fist

_A/N: I have a deadly disease guys… It's called SNTS, or Shiny New Thing Syndrome. Sometimes, in my mind I'll see a scenario, maybe a conversation or just a moment, but that's it. I love dabbling in the fanfic world because the characters are already fully formed and beloved, and so it's not too far a stretch to put them in that moment. I should be writing One More Hook's next installment, yet this nugget has been bugging me. Bear with me. You should see a new chapter of OMH soon though! **I Will Never Knock** is inspired by the lyrics of Kevin Garrett's "Never Knock". It's a beautiful and haltingly slow song, give it a listen y'all!_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, only the things I make them do. All character credit goes to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. I also do not own the song "Never Knock". If I did my name would be Kevin Garrett and I'd be rich. And a dude. And I'd have an awesome voice. Which I don't. I digress...**

With a Raised Fist

 **EPOV**

 **1:23 A.M.**

I stand in front of an ordinary door, neutral in color and benign in nature, with a raised fist resting lightly on the surface. I could choose to knock. It would be so simple, all I would need to do is lift and lower my fist with enough force to draw her attention.

But I don't. I won't. I can't…

All too well, I can see how it plays out. I would actually knock on the surface before me, and begin to hear the surprised stirrings of an occupant. In the brief moments it would take you to reach the door, maybe you would wrap your robe around you tightly, check your hair in the mirror above the hall table, a frown marring your perfect features.

After checking the peephole, you would take a step back. I'm not a stranger, you know me. Or perhaps you knew me. You gasp, a quiet little intake of the air around you, surprised at my audacity.

The door would swing open, bringing with it a blast of frigid air. Maybe it's a forecast of things to come. The shock on your face quickly morphing into abject horror. Your past has just reared its beastly head.

I'm broken from my ruminating by the low vibrations of my cell phone. Without looking, I know who is on the line.

I step away from your door, briefly brushing the surface with my fingertips. I take in a deep breath, taking in your intoxicating scent with it. The teasing aroma of vanilla and sugar swim in my head, making me dizzy.

"Alice." I answer brusquely, already piqued that she would interrupt what's become a nightly ritual.

I hear her smothered sigh through the line before she speaks. "Edward, this is getting pathetic. Just knock already! I've told you the outcome of that decision a million times over. Yes, for just a moment it looks as if she's afraid-" she says, but I cut her off.

"Enough, Alice!" I whisper, my words clipped and angry. "Yes, you've told me this before. The truth is that she should be terrified of me. After what I did to her! I physically harmed the love of my existence, and she tried to explain the bruises away by her pale complexion. I can't go to her, because we're a danger to each other. She has no sense of self preservation, and I harmed the girl I should worship in my quest to 'get some'. God! What's wrong with me. No. I can't, Alice. I'm sorry." My voice is frantic and desperate to my own ears. I collapse against an alley wall, awash in a maelstrom of self-loathing.

"Edward Cullen! Get your head out of your ass and listen to me, for once in your life." Alice yells in that shrill voice that's always made me a touch fearful. "Yes, Bella looks scared in that vision, but it's not for the reasons you've convinced yourself of. You've just showed up out of the blue, on her doorstep, in the middle of night, looking like a cover model -thank you very much- and she's in her nightgown with bed hair. Not the good kind either. So of course she, as a normal human woman, would want to look fucking fantastic so her douchebag ex-fiancee would see what he was missing. Now, go knock on her door!" She shrieked.

I flinch, yanking the phone away from my ear. How could someone so tiny be so loud. "Alice," I sigh, resigned. "Even if what you say is true, I can't just do that to her. I swore that she would never have to see me again. Am I to go back on my promise?"

Alice groans loudly into the mouthpiece, making me draw back again. "Jesus Christ on a cracker, you're dense for a vampire! She's your mate, Edward! You two are meant to be together. Jazz and I fight on occasion, and we're going nearly 70 years strong. Trust me. She will be hurt, and angry -as is her right- but it's ingrained in the mating bond to be forgiving. I still see your future together bright and clear, but that could change. You know how my visions are, Edward. Just go to her."

I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration, trying to reign in my impatience. "I just need time Alice. I need to...figure some things out, like what I'll say if she opens the door."

She sighs again, only this time, it's sadder. "At least we're making progress. Don't take long Edward, or you might be too late." With those words of wisdom, she disconnects the call, leaving me to my own devices.

 ** _A/N: This is the first part. I can honestly say that I have no idea how long this will be. I know that EB will end up together. That's a given! So, Edward is mopey, Alice is bossy and nosey_** ** _, and Bella is dealing with her shit. I kinda envisioned this in snapshots, filling in the blanks is half the fun ;) Let me know if you liked it, if you didn't like it, or if you have feedback. Hit me! Muah 3_**


	2. Holding It Together

**_A/N: This is part two of my little story..._**

Holding It Together

BPOV

 **6:15 A.M.**

I am slowly losing my mind. Everyday that I leave my apartment for work, I smell his scent. A distinct whiff of sunshine, honey, and lilac. I would know that scent anywhere, but why? After 2 months of radio silence from him, it makes no sense. So the only logical conclusion that I've reached, is that I'm going insane.

You would think that I would have gone crazy during those desolate first days after he left me, but I managed to barely hang onto it. If it weren't for my roommate Angela, making me eat, sleep, shower, and watch Mean Girls and Clueless on a loop, I would probably be locked in a psych ward being spoonfed jello.

So, why is my mind cracking now. Last night, I could have sworn that I heard his voice. I was in that slice of time where you slowly drift into sleep when I heard it: his angry voice. It was so faint, but it was there. I threw my front door open, looking left and right, but he wasn't there. Just that whiff of his scent. Ang is convinced that it's someone's cologne I'm smelling, or maybe their laundry soap. I agree just to appease her, and not cause her to worry.

Some days it's stronger, almost concentrated. Those are the days that I feel it most, that bullet wound that tore through me, soul and body. It's as if someone has ripped the stitches and I bleed. God, do I bleed. As I hold myself together with paper thin resolve, I remember the promises he to made in the shadow of night. How I was his for eternity. That the only thing that could tear him away from me was death itself. I remember the sincerity that shone from his eyes when he told me I was perfect as he took me. I remember the way we fit together like destiny. I remember waking in the morning to the man who couldn't love himself enough so he shattered my heart. I also remember the ring that I threw at him when he was too afraid to love me.

My alarm clock blares obnoxiously to my left, saving me from myself. I roll out of bed to start another day without him. I'm starting to believe that it might be a good thing.

 ** _A/N: Just a short one this time, but Alice was a mouthy woman last night ;)_**


	3. At First Sight

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, only the things I make them do. All creative credit goes to Stephanie Meyer, for creating the universe I love to meddle in.**

 _ **A/N: So, I took a little creative license in characterizing ExB, as well as their backstories. Nothing too drastic, though. I always felt that Edward and Bella had a rough enough go of their relationship, without the added stress of his bloodlust. I decided not to curse this ExB with that particular problem. I hope you enjoy my alternate version of 'the meeting', sans bloodlust. ;)**_

EPOV

 **8:12 A.M.**

After my phone call with Alice, I spent the rest of the night thinking, remembering. Like digital snapshots chosen specifically to the torment me, the deluge of memories drowned me. That very first perfect day...

I was out on a run when I caught this scent, like the sweetest of candies and the richest of Madagascan vanilla. I halted my path over a mile away, and just savored it. I stepped into a clearing, and there was the most beautiful girl I've laid eyes upon in an eternity. She never startled at a strange man walking towards her in the forest. She had a camera slung around her neck, and bliss splayed across her features. She just smiled at me like I deserved to be loved, as if I wasn't a monster in disguise.

"It's beautiful, isn't it. The way the sunrise beams through the trees. I could stare... forever." She whispered wistfully, tucking a strand of mahogany hair behind her ear.

In an instant, I was decimated in the wash of her beauty, caught in the wake of her smile. "Yeah, I know what you mean," I whispered back.

We stayed in that infinite moment, suspended between dawn and day. No other words were spoken between us. The silence was only interrupted by the sound of her breathing, the waking of forest creatures, and the shutter of her lens. She was mesmerizing in her focus and intensity. The way that one eye fluttered shut before each captured image.

When the sun was fully above us, she turned to head back in the direction of the trail, leaving the forest behind. Like the breaking of a spell, she blushed. "I am so rude! Hi, I'm Bella," she said while holding her hand out to me.

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella. I'm Edward." I replied, shaking her outstretched hand. "Thank you, for letting me experience that with you."

"Anytime." she beamed, and then her smile dropped as suddenly as it had appeared, her brown eyes became piercing. "So, I know why I'm here." She stated with a shake of her camera, continuing with, "Why are you? You're not a serial killer, are you?" This question was followed up with an awkward laugh.

For a second, I froze, caught off guard by her directness, and then pure honesty spewed from my mouth. "Um. No, not a serial killer, at least not anymore." Bella's heart rate increased at my attempt at a joke, so I winked to soothe her. "I ah... I had to get away. The noise...it's too much sometimes. This seems like the only place that I can think." I struggled for a moment, feeling overexposed, but the words were already out there.

I was caught off guard once more by the touch of her hot skin against mine. I felt the warmth of her touch radiate through my entire being when she had only touched my forearm. With a sweet smile, she said, "Say no more, Edward. Why do you think I come out here? This place does wonders for the spirit."

 _She gets it. She understands me._

In that moment, I felt the soul deep yank of our mating connection solidifying, something I had only witnessed through the thoughts of my family. This magnetic energy that couldn't be denied. In the depths of Bella's eyes, I found the same emotions mirrored back. Her eyes filled with tears, something that my own eyes could not do.

With a throat clogged by emotion, Bella asked, "Do I know you? I feel like we've met before", wonder evident in her tone.

I just shook my head slowly, and replied, "No, we haven't met, but I'd like to get to know you." I smiled, and asked, "Do you like coffee, Bella?"

 _ **A/N: I hope you liked! I feel like this first meeting was less angst-ridden. :)**_

 ** _**Update: I don't know what the heck happened when I published this earlier, but it's fixed now. I'm pretty sure Microshit Word is trying to ruin my life. Ha!**_**


	4. Moving On

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, only the things I make them do. All Creative credit goes to Stephanie Meyer for creating the universe I like to meddle in ;)

 _A/N: Sorry so late, guys! Mid-terms have been eating me alive, like that awful scene in Little Shop Of Horrors. Ha! Enjoy :D_

Moving On

BPOV

6:47 A.M. - Same Day

I go through the motions of getting ready for work. I shower, taking the time to detangle my waist length hair. It's so lifeless and dull, a lot like me these days. My wet, coffee colored hair curls around my breasts, brushing my hipbones. I wrap it in a Turbie Twist to slough away most of the water, while I apply my makeup. It's evident that my body has taken the toll of my heartbreak. My cheekbones are a little too prominent under my watery eyes. My collarbones are sporting a runway worthy jut that I might have considered a good quality, were it not for the protrusion of my ribs below. I used to have curves, curves that Edward loved, but just like Edward, my curves have been replaced by hollow dips and planes.

I turn away from the mirror before I can get too depressed with my current state of being. Slipping into a towel and out of the shared bathroom ahead of a cloud of steam, I let my nose lead me to the coffee. Walking into the kitchen of our cozy house, I spot Angela leaning against the countertop drinking from a mug, and looking entirely too chipper before seven in the morning. She's dressed in her running outfit, hair curled with sweat at the side of her face. In lieu of a greeting, I grunt as I pass by on my beeline to the coffee pot.

I catch a glimpse of unholy glee on her face right before she speaks, and I know exactly what's going to come out of her mouth. "Good moooooorning, Bellissima!" she sings in her near pitch perfect soprano, a product of her many years in the choir. Angela has been greeting me this way for as long as we've been friends, whether I'm hungover, sleeping in, or nursing a shattered heart. It was cute when I was happy, but now, it's downright rude. I flip her off over my shoulder, not even stopping the pour of my coffee.

Not phased in the slightest, Angela chuckles, coming over to lean on the coffee bar next to me. "Beautiful morning right? Right?" She hip bumps me, absolutely beaming in her optimism. "I have a feeling, Bell. It's going to be a good day."

Normally, I'm inclined to disagree with her, but today, I look out the window at the rising sun, and for the first time in nearly three months, I want to pick up my camera and click away. The urge is so strong, my shutter finger trembles. I glance at Angela and say, "You know, Ang, I think you're right." When I smile back, my cheeks actually hurt from underuse.

 _A/N: A really short one this time guys. I'll probably post later tonight._


	5. An Emotional Dam

An Emotional Dam

BPOV

10:25 A.M.

Whatever semblance of a good mood I found this morning, has been chased away by the monotony of work. I've been the accountant and assistant manager at Carmen's Beans & Books for the past two years, and before that, I was a lowly cashier slash stocker slash barista. I was content with my job until I caught an expense that Carmen could have been writing off on her taxes for years. I got my Bachelor's of Business Administration with a minor in Accounting, and immediately put my degree to work here. Now, I've been ignoring the same spreadsheet for more than an hour.

In my office, there's this little dormer window that my desk sits under. It's a rare sunny day in Seattle, and the sunshine is almost too much, but not quite enough. It's like I am _seeing_ the sun for the first time all over again. Once again, my shutter finger trembles with my need to capture this moment.

I'm watching the way that the leaves bask in the rays when I realize that Carmen is speaking to me. Her words filter in, and I hear "...I'm letting you go, Bella." She pauses at the look on my face and then forges on with "You obviously don't want to be here anymore. I don't know what happened to the joy in your eyes, but you need to find it again, Mi Amor." I'm sure that my face has crumpled because she goes on to drive in the knife a little more by saying, "You're my best employee, the perfect employee actually. You're always perfectly on time, and you never leave early. You don't take vacation days, either. But I can't look at this version of you anymore without doing anything about it, so I'm setting you free, Bellita."

I stand quickly, my chair rolling back violently. It's like an emotional dam has been broken because suddenly I'm crying. I didn't shed a single tear when Edward left, but when my boss fires me, I sob. My throat is clogged with tears, making it damn near impossible to speak, but I force my question out past the betrayal. "You're letting me go, just like that? I-I don't understand." I sway a little on my feet and end up leaning over the desk.

I can't comprehend how nonchalant Carmen is being about this. This was my first job out of high school, and I hoped it would be my last. I went to college, paid for by Carmen to learn how to manage _this_ business. Seven years. I gave this job seven years. Yet another false promise. "But who will do the books, Carmen?" I ask. I'm grasping at straws here.

Carmen fixes me with a lazy tilt of her head, obviously not expecting this reaction from me. "Sit down, Mi Amor, before you fall down." Her voice carries an authority that she rarely uses with me, so I comply.

Once I'm seated again, she says "Bella, I've been running this place for nearly 35 years, I'm sure I'll manage for a few weeks. The books will be here when you get back. Now, what I don't get is why you're crying about this?" She places her warm wrinkled hand on top of mine. I'm tempted to pull away, but it's Carmen.

I'm about to respond when my brain catches up. "Wait, Carmen, you're not firing me?" I ask, voice tinged with hope.

Horror slowly spreads across her face, and she flinches as if I have raised my hand to her in anger. " _Firing_ _you?!_ Isabella Marie, what on earth would make you think such a crazy thing?" Carmen asks, her Chilean accent coming out in full force. " _Dios mío!_ " She goes off in Spanish, and I catch none of it. "You crazy girl, I'm giving you two weeks paid vacation. I would never fire you, Mi Amor!" She locks me in one of her maternal hugs that cause more tears to fall, running a hand down my back. When she finally pulls back, she takes hold of my face and says "I want you gone within the hour. I want you to pamper yourself. Get a pedicure, or a trim, something. I don't know what happened with that boy of yours, but you've lost your spark, and you can't get it back by working yourself to death." She pats my cheek softly and leaves me to my own devices.

I take my time shutting down my office, putting away my personal items, and sending Carmen my final numbers for the week. I want to resent her for making me take a vacation, but I know that I've been using this place as a crutch recently. I breathe out a sigh, push in my chair, and turn out the light.

 _A/N: Thanks for reading y'all! All of your reviews, faves, follows, and rec's are totally rocking my world. I never thought that anyone would read this, so thanks :D_


	6. Retail Therapy

**Disclaimer: I do not own these character, only the things I make them do. All creative credit goes to Stephanie Meyer for creating the world in which I like to meddle. ;)**

 **Recap - Bella's boss, Carmen, forces her to take a vacation, and Bella, misunderstanding the situation believes that she is being fired. She loses control of her emotions, calling attention to the fact that she's not been feeling much of anything...**

 **Retail Therapy**

 **BPOV**

12:18 P.M. - Same Day

I've been wandering around Pike Place for more than an hour, not seeing much of anything. I window shop at a few boutiques until I find one that holds some tasteful but inexpensive items. I walk around for a few minutes, not looking for anything until I find an adorable pair of cubic zirconia treble clef earrings for Angela. They glitter when I hold them in the sun. I can just see Angela walking around singing with them dangling from her ears.

I almost start to believe in the healing miracle of retail therapy, until I spot a necklace that just screams Alice Cullen. It's this bone-colored pendant, probably ivory or bone, shaped into an infinity symbol. It's hung on a dainty silver chain, and the material is so smooth and interwoven that I can't tell where it begins or ends. It's cool to the touch as well.

My eyes start to fill with tears, and I feel that _ache_ that has become my shadow, waiting to pounce.

I make a beeline for the register to pay for the jewelry, necklace included. On my way out of the door, I decide to call her tonight. Although Edward's lost to me, _I was the one who_ pushed Alice away. She's like a sister to me, but I didn't want to put her in the middle of our issues.

After leaving the boutique, I wander around for a bit more, still lost in thought. So lost inside, that I'm only snapped out of my thoughts by a door swinging open a few feet in front of me. Startled, I stop short and take in the logo on the glass: Eclipse Salon and Spa. The 'l' in Eclipse shaped like a pair of scissors. Directly below that, is a hanging sign saying "Walk-Ins Welcome."

So I walk in.

I'm greeted by a freakishly tall Native American man, no less than 6'9". His smile is warm, and his face is open. He has beautiful jet black hair, longer than mine, which gleams in the bright lights. Something about him just immediately puts me at ease. So I smile in return.

"Welcome to Eclipse. I'm Jacob, how can I help?" He asks in a deep baritone voice, coming from behind the reception area.

 ** _A/N: Okay guys... Here is where I'm going to ask y'all to have faith in me, and I am also officially invoking the 'no cheating' clause in the story summary. Don't go flouncing on me. Trust. Okay? I know that I always get a bit squeamish reading ExB stories whenever Jacob is mentioned because I never know where the author will take it, or how closely they'll follow canon, but I'll never steer y'all wrong! Links for Angela's earrings and Alice's necklace are in my bio. Check 'em out. Thanks for reading babes!_**


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